Tom, from Michigan (submitted July, 2003)

I am the baby of the family with a sister and two brothers and they are more then five years older then me. I graduated from College and moved to Flint, Michigan to start my first job. At 24 years old I was ready to make money and take on the world. I was young, single, on my own and liked looking at women.

One woman at work had beautiful brown eyes, long legs and looked great in a sweater dress. Her name was Connie and she was so kind to me that it was wonderful just being near her.  I asked Connie where she "hung out" after work and she smiled and said "at home with my husband and three kids." So I had to settle for being her friend. 

Another guy in the office told me Connie was getting a divorce, so I quickly asked Connie out on a date. Connie had tried to make her marriage to an angry and abusive man work and felt it was too soon to start dating.  Although she said no, Connie told me I was an attractive guy, and I could see the honesty, compassion, and sadness in her eyes.  

Connie had a sister that lived with her, so Connie set up a date for me and her sister.  Her sister would not go out with me unless Connie went along too, so my date, Connie, and two of her children went to a company Easter party. I would do anything to be with Connie, even date her sister.

We all went back to Connie's home, and  Pamela, who was five at the time, sat on my lap and asked me if I would like a little girl like her.  Pamela was so cute and accepting of me that she stole my heart.  After talking to Connie's sister, I noticed that the woman of my dreams was no longer in the room. I found her in the laundry room crying. Connie would not tell me why she was crying, she just looked really embarrassed and came upstairs. (Later I found out Connie was crying over me. She thought it was too late to accept my offer to go out on a date.)

I was determined to go out with Connie, so I again asked her out on a date. This time, in spite of her fears, Connie would not pass up the chance to go out with me. I offered to take the kids on our date, but she wanted to be out with just me.  It was exciting  just thinking about going on this date.

It was the softness of Connie's lips as we kissed, and her sigh afterwards that captured my heart.  Connie spent the rest of the evening trying to convince me that her little sigh did not mean a thing, yet I knew better!

For our next date, Connie invited me to go on a picnic in the park, with the kids. We had hot dog buns with cream cheese and jelly, and other good things to eat.  I had such a good time that after the kids went wading in the river and got all muddy I did not even mind them getting into the backseat of my new car.

After a few dates, Connie invited me to her home to have dinner with her son and two daughters.  I cut the grass, which I hate doing, while she cooked dinner. The smoke alarm went off, so I rushed into the house. Connie was standing there with curlers in her hair looking over a burning dinner. She got all flustered and embarrassed when she saw me, and all I thought was this beautiful woman was doing this for me!

I sat on the couch and Pamela jumped into my lap. As Pamela and I headed for the dinner table she asked me if I were going to marry her Mom?  The oldest daughter, Angela, was nine years old.  Angela asked Connie if she was wearing the same outfit today as Connie had worn yesterday.  Jonathan, 11 years old at the time let out a big belch during dinner!  Each of them was checking me out in their own ways.

Despite all their testing of me, and Connie and I testing each-other, our love grew stronger as time passed.  We went through intensive premarital counseling both through our church and with a private counselor and were married on September 27, 1986.  On that day we committed to be a family and to put God at the center of our life.

Pamela needed me to be her Daddy, and I loved her right away.  I have learned a lot from Pamela and she has never given up on me.  She is always quick to forgive and very honest about her feelings. 
 
Angela is a person of detail and did not let her mother or me get away with anything. Connie and I struggled with Angela  through school, getting a job, and living on her own. She and I never struggled with hugging and loving each other, and our love for our Lord Jesus Christ.

My father worked hard to provide for his family and my father did his best to love me. I never learned how to love a hurting child, because I was in too much pain myself.  I wish I had been a better friend and Daddy to Jonathan. We have come so far from where we started and I can only give the glory to God.  I thank God my son, Jonathan,  loves me and knows that I love him. Children do not realize how much their parents love them until they have children themselves.

I thank God that I married my wife and these three children 16 years ago. Thank God for the two children that my wife and I have had together. Margaret and Tressa have added even more joy to  our lives. God has taught Connie and me a lot over the years, and we have used that wisdom in raising Margaret and Tressa. They love the Lord Jesus Christ, and Connie and I look forward to the great things God has planned for them and this family.

God taught Connie and me that good parenting takes sacrifices and God's blessings. We are seeing all of our children grow closer to the Lord. Our family is at peace knowing the love of God, and the love we have for each other. My parents celebrated their fiftieth anniversary this year, and yet I grew up in a stepfamily.  I was not the child of a stepfamily.  I am the Daddy in this family. We will continue to grow and look forward to what God has planned.

Tom England

(Copyright 6/29/02)
 

Thanks, Tom, for the encouragement.  There can be great joy in stepfamilies--that's what the 'Promised Land' is all about!  You, too, can get there.  Press on.  RLD (July 7, 2003)