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Elaine, from Florida (submitted May, 2003) |
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Name: Elaine
Home state or country: Florida
I won't ever forget our wedding day! It was just us but "us" included eight children, my husband and I! I thought... My step-sons ranged from the ages of eight to 16 and my one small son the age of two and my three daughters from six to twelve. My expectations for our awesome family coming together as one was even more exemplified by a familiar song called "The Bateman Bunch" taken after the great show the Brady Bunch! I remember thinking these poor boys were basically abandoned by their mom and I will help them learn what a Godly mom is! Well, I have to say that maybe the first month of make belief bliss was actually happening. Another great idea I had was that maybe through my testimony their real mom would learn to know who our Savior was so I loved the boys like they were mine and always used scripture when something came up that there mom did like allowing pornographic movies, open sex, lying, hatred, and stealing.
During these first months and years our struggles almost overcame our marriage and sanity. Believing and knowing that the Lord did bring us together eventhough we continually questioned that but one thing we had no doubt about was that He wanted us to stay together and that nothing was greater than God's Power. One of our boys (my step-son Gabriel 15) always wanted his mother's approval and screaming for her love tried to commit suicide, and tried to kill my husband and I in front of the other seven children. You see, Gabriel had seen his mom do and act in an unmentional ways and then his mom showed hatred to this son. Later on Gabriel began visiting his mom for he had not visited her for almost a year. I always remember of all the boys he immediately latched on to me and called me "mom." That should have been my first clue that something was coming.
It was the summer break and our step-sons were going to visit their mom for two weeks. We noticed that Daniel thirteen was taking his CD player with him and we thought that is awkward but we didn't say anything. My husband, Cody, was playing basketball with his boys outside and reafirming them to stay close to the Lord and honor Him in everything and that we were going to miss them. That was the last time they played together, talked or cried together. They had all planned to move to the home where there was no God.
My three daughters, my youngest son, Cody and I cried over the loss of half of our children. "What next," we asked? Many things happened after that unforgettable summer including the loss of our home, loss of our business and loss of our ministry and the friends that we thought we had.
Our hope has been that we all reunite one day and that forgiveness and healing and total reconciliation to the Lord and then to us will take place. We have seen great victories in our youngest children in that through all the pain and suffering that they have had to endure after eight years they love their step-dad as their own dad as well that their real dad is in their lives but we see a difference in how when things are done right in a stepfamily situation verses unloving acts by one or two parents. One victory on that side of the family was that we were given a gift at Christmas to take a cruise and we had one more ticket left and we took my children's father. Our youngest children missed the rest of the family but prayed for their brothers safe return to the Lord. The latest victory is that Gabriel since then has asked forgiveness for his actions towards us, you see we eventually had to put Gabe in jail for threatneing to kill us again. There has been healing taken place there! My oldest daughter who remembers even more of what happened earlier in our marriage has return to the Lord and is living for Him. Michael my oldest stepson has begun to call us at least three times a week and wanted to reconnect with his dad again after almost three years of silence.
There is so much that I would like to share with you but always know that "You can do all things through Christ." The Lord has used us in so many ways and I know that we had to go through all this so we could help stepfamilies realize and know that their first comittment is to the Lord and that the step children are His children first and that we are there more to mentor than anything else. God will do the rest in His time.
My husband and I are happily married and we love each other more than words can ever say. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 is what we use as we help stepfamilies learn survival through His love and recognizing that no matter how awful we think the real parent is they will always and forever remain their father or mother and using caution and wisdom we can make an impact in these hurting children's lives.
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