Rhonda, from Missouri (submitted Oct '09)

Name: Rhonda

Home: Missouri

Its's been 15yrs. and I still have trouble with my youngest stepdaughter. She is very loyal to her Mom..I can understand that..but I do not understand why she tries to undermine things I do. My spouse was divorced 3 yrs when we began dating ( my husbands ex was remarried )nd the children wer 25,23,and 21yr old twins,I thought things were going okay we all seemed to get along. The youngest daughter (she is 36 and a parent herself) and I had an easy relationship ( OR SO I THOUGHT) but I did not see that she was and is a Destabilier..she has taken photos of the inside of our home and I later find that her Mom has changed her decor to almost the same thing. I did a test with her just to see if I might be thinking incorrectly, she was the only one who knew..the day of the event my oldest stepson said "Isn't that funny my Mom served the same thing at her party last night". I have done more for her than the other three children,I dont't know if it is her jealousy or her Moms.I do get along with the ex when we are together at events.

Sounds like "steadfast loyalty" to me (see The Smart Stepmom for an explanation). Unreasonable as it seems given all you have done for her, prepare yourself for it to continue. SS