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Is Remarriage "Covenant" Marriage? |
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Smart Question:
Ron, we're trying to help our pastor prepare for some lessons on stepfamilies. We're wondering how to approach the subject of "covenant" marriage and remarriage. Are remarriages covenant relationships?
Smart Answer:
This is a tough one. The matter of interpreting divorce & remarriage in scripture and creating a theology for the multitude of specific circumstances we face in our society is extremely difficult. My brief reply certainly won't do the subject justice, but perhaps I can share a few thoughts that will help your pastor.
First, let me say that Successful Stepfamilies has a few articles, resources, and links on our web site that we recommend to pastors. You may want to browse this section for more thoughts: http://www.successfulstepfamilies.com/view/48.
I do believe that marriage is a covenant relationship (not a "contract") and have taught so for many years myself. I believe God's "plan A" for us is one man, one woman, for life. Theologically speaking remarriage--more so after divorce than after death--is "plan B." God would prefer that we never divorce. His intention that marriage be a life-long mutually honorable relationship is clear. The question then becomes what do we do with remarriage after divorce? Can remarriages be "covenant" relationships, too? I believe so.
Consider these key points:
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The Bible clearly recognizes remarriage as "marriage," even if sin was involved in the divorce. In John 4 Jesus notes to the woman at the well that she had been married five times and was now cohabiting. Notice he did not say "you've been married once and have lived with five other guys." He recognizes her other marriages as indeed marriage. (BTW, does this give people permission to terminate their marriage for any reason knowing they can later form a new covenant? Absolutely not. God calls us to holiness and faithfulness in marriage.)
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God himself "divorced" Israel. I think one of the interesting untold stories of the O.T. is that God got a divorce. Read the minor prophets and you discover that God tired of Israel's "stubborn unrepentance" (the definition of "marital unfaithfulness" throughout scripture) and he "gave her a certificate of divorce". See Jer. 3:6-10; Isaiah 50:1. Plus, He almost "divorces" Judah for her unfaithfulness, but eventually renews his commitment with her (perhaps because his son the Messiah would come from that tribe). All of this does not stop him from making a "new covenant" with the Church, his "new Bride." Interesting language, huh. To really explore this, read this article by David Instone-Brewer: Three Weddings and a Divorce (once there click "online version").
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Should every person who divorces get remarried? Personally, I don't think so. Some have divorced for improper reasons and should try to reconcile the first marriage (remember, that is "plan A"). But if the other remarries, or is "stubbornly unrepentant," and a remarriage occurs, I believe the new couple has made a new covenant before God and should be held to the same standards as a first marriage. Covenant is covenant, no matter what wedding it is or what preceded it.
Like I said, this certainly doesn't cover all the "what ifs" that people come up with. For the sake of this part of the discussion, it seems to me that, in the end, what God really wants is for us to keep our commitments. He wants us to be like Him and keep our promises. That's what vows are purposed for. RLD
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