A Philosophy of Family Life Ministry

Originally published by Family Information Services, Minneapolis, MN, 1998, www.familyinfoserv.com

(An excellent online list of resources for family life ministry is available from the Center for the Family, Pepperdine University.  Click here.)

The American family has been in decline for the past 40 years. During that time church leaders across the country have come to recognize the need for both remedial and preventive efforts within the church. Family life ministry, in a nutshell, tries to strengthen all forms of family so as to empower the individuals within those families to love and serve the Creator of all things. In other words, family life ministry is about discipleship and equipping families to "tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord" (Psalm 78:4). Whether your ministry to families already exists, or if the foundations for such a ministry are just now being established, it is important to have a written philosophy for the ministry.

In this article I will share with you my philosophical understanding of the goals, intentions, and purposes of family life ministry (FLM). Hopefully this will deepen your understanding of this ministry. It also provides a theological rational for the financial priority this ministry should be afforded. Share these statements with your family life committee or church leadership so they can catch a vision of the importance of this ministry and what might be developed.

FLM is comprised of preventive and therapeutic efforts designed to strengthen the family. Interventions are driven by a theological understanding of family life originating from a study of the biblical text, family systems theory, and family life cycle theory (the developmental stages that all families experience). Specific strategies can be developed through a congregational survey or family needs analysis.

The following is a list of the basic tenants of family life ministry followed by a brief discussion of each statement.

1. FLM is primarily preventative. The purpose of FLM is to equip individuals and families with relevant Biblical truths and healthy family skills so as to empower them to successfully deal with the challenges of family living and faith development. While therapeutic efforts are important for those experiencing mental or emotional unease, prevention of individual and familial distress must be viewed as the primary goal. Truly an ounce of prevention is worth a ton of cure.
   
   
2. FLM needs to encourage and empower families as the primary context of spiritual formation. God has always relied upon the family to be the primary source of faith development in children (see Psalm 78:1-8). Yet, most parents are perfectly willing to hand that responsibility to the church. Parents must be held accountable for their influence while the church strives to empower them with the tools necessary to build their children’s faith through the teaching and demonstration (modeling) of God’s word.

   In addition, empowering and strengthening family life in general has dramatic impact on faith development because family provides the ecological context for the spiritual formation of its members. It is so much easier to discover and know a loving God in a nurturing, stable, loving family.

3. FLM is focused on building family strengths and detouring unhealthy dynamics. All too often, "family enrichment" programs focus on negative or "dysfunctional" family patterns. Families need to be told what is healthy, shown how to live what is healthy, and given opportunities for implementation of what is healthy.
   
   
4. Educational and enrichment programs should be developed with an awareness of the developmental tasks and crisis points of the family life cycle. Knowing that families experience predictable developmental crises, preventive efforts can help families bridge the crisis, without becoming stuck and unhealthy. For example, programs can address adjusting to a new marriage, the transition to parenthood, preparing for adolescence, marriage after retirement, and death in the family. These developmental crises are predictable—we might as well help people navigate the transition.
   
   
5. Therapy should be available for those in crisis. As families float their canoes down the river of life, prevention attempts to help them navigate away from the rocks and hazards, and toward smoother streams of godliness. Therapy is for those who find themselves devastated on the rocks at the bottom of a waterfall, in dire need of an EMT. Both are necessary for they serve a different population with differing needs. Remedial efforts for those experiencing individual, marital, or family distress can be made available via lay counselors, licensed therapists, and/or support groups.

6. FLM seeks to develop a strong social support system for families. The church is a family of families that provides belonging and nurturance to its members. Many family programs will bond families together building a web of strength and support.
   
   
7. FLM needs to be contemporary and relevant to today's families. Ministry leaders must constantly stay in tune with the changing American family relative to culture, type, and structure, especially within their local community. For example, stepfamilies remain largely overlooked in the church yet, within the next decade, will be the most predominant family form in America (Deal, 2002; see www.SuccessfulStepfamilies.com). Therefore, premarital education programs, for example, should have sections specifically addressing the tasks of remarriage, and parenting programs should incorporate the unique aspects of stepparenting.
   
   
8. FLM must serve both traditional and non-traditional family types. A narrow view of "family" easily excludes non-traditional types of families such as single-parent families, stepfamilies, households with multi-generations, childless couples, grandparents raising grandchildren, and single adults. Efforts should be made to minister to a variety of family types.
   
   
9. FLM should make specific effort to reach out to the community at large. Indeed, family ministry is excellent outreach ministry. Educational classes or seminars make great "bridge events" which bring persons to the church and provide opportunity for further contact and/or bible study.
   
   
10. FLM maintains a perspective approach to ministry as well as a programmatic one. Holistic family ministry seeks to examine the entire life and activity of the congregation to assess the impact on family life. Measures are taken to ensure that the work and programs of the church under gird and enhance rather than compete with family relationships (Garland, 1995).
    
    
11. FLM needs to challenge and support fathers to take responsibility for the spiritual direction of their family. The task here is to help fathers shepherd their flock, and lead them toward the Good Shepherd. When a father is functionally absent, FLM will support and equip single-mothers for the task of single-parenting; when necessary, extended family and/or the church will be encouraged to serve as mentors.
    
    
12. FLM needs to be integrated into every other aspect of church life. The New Testament writers continually blend theology with family life, and so it should be in the church. The family is the laboratory of Christian living and is, therefore, the primary source of faith development and Christ-centered living (Money, 1987).

Anderson, R. S. (1997). Spiritual Formation as Family Therapy: A Social Ecology of the Family Revisited. Journal of Family Ministry, Vol. 11, No. 4, 10-27

Deal, R. L. (2002). The Smart Stepfamily: Seven Steps to a Healthy Family. Minneapolis: Bethany House Publishers.

Garland, D. (1995). Strengthening Families and Churches in Turbulent Times. Journal of Family Ministry, 9, 5-21.

Glick, P.C. (1989). Remarried families, stepfamilies, and stepchildren: A brief demographic profile. Family Relations, 38, 24-28.

Hebbard, D. W. (1995). The Complete Handbook for Family Life Ministry in the Church. Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers.

Money, R. (1987). Ministering to Families: A Positive Plan of Action. Abilene, TX: ACU Press.

• Order Ron's presentation on Effective Family Life Ministry.
• Association of Marriage & Family Ministries: a tremendous organization equipping churches, lay leaders, and ministry staff to organize and maintain a local family ministry.  www.amfmonline.com
• Center for the Family, directed by Dennis Lowe, Ph.D. Pepperdine University, Malibu, CA. 90263, (310) 456-4771. Web page: www.pepperdine.edu/gsep/family
• The Center for Family Life, directed by Dr. Charles Sell. 2065 Half Day Road, Bannockburn, Il. 60015, (847) 317-6710. Publish a family ministry newsletter, offer resources and books relevant to family ministry, and sponsor an "Effective Family Ministry Workshop."
• Deal, Ron (2002). The Smart Stepfamily: Seven Steps to a Healthy Family. Minneapolis: Bethany House Publishers.
• Family Dynamics.net. Gain practical training in marriage and family enrichment programs.
• Journal of Family Ministry, published by Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary, 1044 Alta Vista Road, Louisville, KY., 40205-1798, 1-800-264-1839. Diana Garland, Ph.D., editor.
• Garland, D. (1999). Family Ministry: A Comprehensive Guide. Downders Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.
• Hebbard, D.W. (1995). The Complete Handbook for Family Life Ministry in the Church. Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers.
• Morris, B. (1993). The Complete Handbook for Recovery Ministry in the Church: A Practical Guide to Establishing Recovery Support Groups Within Your Church. Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers.
• Sell, C. (1995). Family Ministry (2nd Edition). Grand Rapids: Zondervan Publishing House.
• SuccessfulStepfamilies.com – Christian resources for church and home from author and stepfamily education specialist Ron Deal.