Parenting After the Death of a Parent

Q:  Are your resources appropriate for stepfamilies following the death of one parent, rather than after a divorce?

A:  Absolutely.  While many of our book and video resources discuss ex-spouse and between-home dynamics that are faced by stepfamilies following divorce, the remaining teaching principles also apply to stepfamilies following the death of a parent.  Yes, there are differences between these two types of stepfamilies, but most of the key principles in our resources apply to both. 

Tip:  When a parent has died, keep open your dialogue with the children about the death.  No matter what the age of the child when the death occurred or how long it has been since, children (even adult children) need to have permission to share their thoughts and feelings and openly grieve the loss.  Keep in mind:

·         Children will reprocess their loss at each developmental stage (e.g., pre-teen, adolescence, young adult, etc.) and key life transitions (e.g., high school graduation, wedding, etc.).  Therefore, it is necessary to keep an open dialogue going.

·         Stepparents can help children by saying things like, “Tell me a story about your mother...  You must really miss her.” 

·         Biological parents can also share their sadness and fond memories from time to time in order to communicate to children that they can do the same (giving permission to sadness). 

For additional study, see these articles on helping children grieve after a loss and practicing emotional coaching.