Susan, from Indianapolis, Indiana (submitted February, 2003)

Name: Susan Crane
Home state or country: Indianapolis, Indiana

Just when you think that all your efforts are "fruitless"!!

My husband and I have four children between us.  When we met five years ago, he brought to our family two boys, now ages 8 and 10.  I had a daughter, now age 9.  We also have a beautiful happy 3-year-old between us.  It has been a challenge to blend our family and keep peace between us and the "ex-spouse" situation, but we continue to trust God to keep working in our hearts and theirs.  And believe me, God has really shined through in various areas.  I think it is so very important to forgive the ex-spouse.  They will be in your life until the children become 18 and beyond.  Not every ex-spouse is particularly easy to get along with, but just pray for God to bring peace "for he can even make your enemy be at peace with you".  I believe that is what God is doing right now.  There is always another challenge around the corner, but with God all things are possible!  With God, he can make even our enemies be at peace with us!.  Pray that God will give you a heart of forgivenes and work in your situation.

There are many victories along the way, small as they may be.  We have obtained physical custody of my husband's boys, and I knew the transition from their mother's home to our would be difficult.  As a stepparent to them, I wanted them to know how much I love them, but sometimes the stepparent in the eyes of a child can become "enemy #1".  But never give up loving them, because in due time you will "reap a harvest", and sometimes you may feel that all your efforts are "fruitless".  Remember that if you are not compensated for all your hard work here on earth, that God has treasures in heaven for you.  It's hard to love someone who does not love you back, but keep trusting, and God will open those doors.  One of my stepsons has really shown me that I am doing the right thing, in small ways, of course.  One day, shortly after we obtained custody, I was pondering about "is this the right thing to do?"  With all the changes, I was not sure how the boys were handling me being more of a full-time mom.  I was so blessed when the younger of the two came up and hugged me and said "I love you".  They do not feel comfortable calling me "Mom", and I respect that.  To me, there is only one Mom and one Dad.  When one of my stepsons became ill, I spent many hours consoling him, keeping his fever down, taking care of him.  I would think to myself, "I hope that he can see through this that I love him".  Just when you think your efforts are fruitless:  He came to me with a letter for Valentines Day, telling me and his Dad that he was thankful that we were there to take care of him when he was sick.  He also wrote, "When you are sick, I will take care of you".  Every seed you plant, will grow in due time.  Keep loving them, no matter what, even if it is not reciprocated.  Your efforts will not be "fruitless".