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Healthy Boundaries: New Partners & Old Ones |
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by Don and Kathy Coryell
Creative Connections
Almost three out of four remarriages fail. One of the most common reasons for failure is the lack of healthy boundaries in the remarriage. We see this issue in a majority of the couples we work with. The emotional connection to the former spouse (whether due to death or divorce) can easily sabotage the remarriage. It is possible to demonstrate agape, God’s unconditional love, for the former spouse without remaining emotionally attached. Each spouse in a remarriage must demonstrate their allegiance to one another first, “forsaking all others”, including former spouses. This does not mean to cease communication or to be unkind, as this relationship can be a connection opportunity to glorify God.
In Genesis 21, Abraham sent Hagar and his son, Ishmael, away into the wilderness, at the demand of his wife, Sarah. This is the second time in scripture, that there was conflict between Sarah and Hagar, her maidservant. She had given Hagar to Abraham to conceive a child because she was barren. Though it grieved Abraham to send away his son, he did so out of self-denial and obedience to the Lord, who had told him to honor Sarah’s request. Abraham obeyed and the Lord still blessed Ishmael and made a great nation through him.
One of the principles illustrated here is deny self, be a servant, and obey God through putting the marriage relationship first, before all other earthly relationships, including your own children, just as Abraham did. Abraham set healthy boundaries in obedience to the Lord, denying his own grief to serve his wife, Sarah, and put their marriage relationship first, above his relationship with Hagar and his son, Ishmael. Notice he did not treat them unkindly. The Bible says Abraham was distressed “greatly because it concerned his son”. He provided for them by giving them bread and water, showing his compassionate care for them.
Examine your relationship with your ex-spouse and answer the following questions. Discuss this with your mate.
- Are you worried more about what your ex-spouse thinks than your current spouse?
- Are you spending more time, money and/or emotions on your ex-spouse than on your husband or wife?
- Do you set aside plans you have with your mate, to readjust to your former mate’s requests?
- Do you engage in lengthy conversations by phone, email or in person with your ex-spouse, talking about issues that are not related to parenting?
- Have you and your mate had discussions, arguments or disagreements about the amount of time, money or emotions you spend on your former spouse?
If you answered “yes” to one or more questions, though you may be legally divorced from your ex-spouse, you may still be emotionally married to him/her. This can result from unresolved feelings such as fear or guilt which can allow you to be controlled by manipulation .You will need to set healthy, firm boundaries in order to demonstrate allegiance to and create oneness with your mate. This is VITAL and time is critical. Begin the process now, by discussing the issue with your mate and praying together for some creative workable solutions. The more you involve your mate in the process, the greater the level of trust and intimacy that will develop between the two of you. If together you are unable to create solutions, it may be necessary to seek professional Christian counsel for guidance. If so, choose a pastor and/or counselor who is skilled in counseling remarried couples.
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” Matthew 19:5-6 NIV
“Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.” Matthew 18:19-20 NIV
“Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” Amos 3:3
© Don and Kathy Coryell, February 2007, www.creativeconnectionsministry.com.
Use with permission. All rights reserved.
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#1: by Kate Johnson on 12.31.2007 @ 11:45am CST
This excerpt is perfect for my situation!
In May 2007, my husband allowed his grown son (25) to move back into our home without my permission or approval. My husband said that he did not think about his response only that "I wanted David away from his mother and this was my chance."
David has lived with us since June 2007 without any expectation of home responsibilities or some rent for utilities. I think my husband is very confused about his current marriage and priorities.
Kate |
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#2: by Mike Mitchell on 12.31.2007 @ 04:33pm CST
I'm not remarried, or even dating, but sometimes I worry about being too emotionally involved with the ex. The five questions above are basically comparative between the ex-spouse and the current spouse, so how can I gauge whether I've sufficiently disengaged from the ex? |
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#3: by Gracia on 01.01.2008 @ 08:01pm CST
I agree with Mike on these questions - that they're comparative and so hard to apply for those of us not yet dating or remarried. Wanting to be well-prepared, are there evaluation questions available (or can they be?) that are not comparative between the ex-spouse and current spouse? |
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#4: by Bill Pershing on 01.01.2008 @ 09:21pm CST
re: How do you know?
For myself, I knew I had disengaged from the ex when I had heard that her computer had crashed and I didn't have the slightest motivation to run to her rescue. |
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#5: by Mike Mitchell on 01.02.2008 @ 05:23pm CST
Bill -
You know, that could devolve into a joke pretty quickly...but I see your point. It's something to consider. |
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#6: by Kim Orlando on 01.03.2008 @ 09:14am CST
My soon to be husband will not remove his almost 9 year old son from his bed.he says when we get married he will. Is this healthy ? Or is he so bent over his marraige which failed 4 years ago that he is sleeping with him because his son is a part of her or is it some other guilty reason. He puts his child before me, and I put him before my children. He did make the comment that his son will sleep with him when I moved in but I'm really starting to have a problem with it now. This is not healthy for me to be on one side of the bed & my soon to be in the middle and his son on the other side. We have even had intercourse and soon as we finished he went to get his son in the other room to put him in bed with us. Please help because I am wondering if I should even get married to him. |
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#7: by Judith on 01.03.2008 @ 10:35am CST
To Kim in Orlando. I am not a person to judge, but I can tell you what I know. Any person who puts their child before you will always put thier child(ren) before you. It will never change. You will always feel alone and unwanted. You will have a void inside of you bigger than the Grand
Canyon. Best of luck. |
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#8: by Mike Mitchell on 01.03.2008 @ 02:09pm CST
To Kim -
For what it's worth - my complaining about my ex putting the children in front of me all the time (and I mean all the time) was one of the causes for the divorce. If he does it now, it's going to be hard to change.
Oh, and 9 is way too old to be sleeping with Dad on a routine basis. Just my $0.02. |
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#9: by leah on 01.03.2008 @ 06:16pm CST
Remarriage requires committed loyalty and an intentional change of heart for both new husband and wife. My heart has broken as I see the pain and disappointment for all involved and the hurt that is caused by the acting out of feelings in a family where conflict resolution is unheard of and discouraged by one spouse. The problems in the marriage exacerbate any expected issues from stepfamily life. As far as the ex - spouse dynamics, I relate to the story of Rachel and Jacob in the bible. As the second wife, I can relate to Leah, knowing that I am not the favored one and that most of what surrounds me daily will ensure that I will continue to live at the mercy of my circumstances in my new "family". |
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#10: by Annette on 01.04.2008 @ 03:58am CST
to: Kim in orlando; To answer your question, No it is NOT healthy for his son to be sleeping in his bed, no matter what age, or what reasoning he may try to give you. (or try to convince himself of) He says that once you are married, that he will no longer be sleeping in the bed? Well, lets suppose this to actually be what takes place. How is this going to be presented to the son? I just see that this is going to cause huge resentment, jealousy, and many other potential issues between you and your future husband as well as between you and his son. It sounds like perhaps waiting for a while before you do decide to marry would be wise. And, from one woman to another, remember you do have choices, and the only person you can really change is yourself, perhaps it is time for You to leave your fiance's bed. much love- Annette from NY |
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#11: by Kimberly on 01.04.2008 @ 11:07am CST
I am looking for some advice regarding my new husband not attempting to try bonding with my 4 children from the previous marriage. I feel that I am having a hard time letting go of the previous marriage because the ex- husband is trying to be involved in my children's lifes, while my current husband has no desire to. I am very confused and think daily of divorcing my current husband. We have only been married 5 months, but it has been a constant issue in our lives. My current husband is more concerned with my having a tubal ligation reversal to have children with him when he won't acknowledge the 4 children living right under his nose. Please tell me if what I am thinking about his crazy. |
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#12: by Mike Mitchell on 01.04.2008 @ 03:50pm CST
Kimberly -
I would like to suggest you try to see things from your new husband's perspective. He probably feels like an interloper in your existing children's lives, since they have an active father already. Being a stepfather is not the same thing as being a father, and he is probably very sensitive to the issue of not trying to replace their biological dad.
Your new husband probably feels very uneasy about how deeply he should involve himself with his stepchildren, and this is why he is pushing to have some of his own. If the children were his biologically, he would not feel this unease.
You say you've only been married 5 months. Remember, a stepfamily is like a slow cooker - it requires a lot of time to settle in. If your new husband tries too hard, too fast to move into your children's lives, what effect might that have on them? They are bound to resent his intrusion into the household as it is. It is inevitable that they will view him as trying to replace their dad. Even if they don't say so now, those feelings of resentment will surface.
Instead of contemplating divorce, might I suggest having a true heart-to-heart with him and try to understand his concerns? |
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#13: by Ron Deal on 01.07.2008 @ 03:41pm CST
It's time for me to jump in... It's difficult for me to comment on many of your comments, but I need to talk to Kim Orlando for a minute...
Judith, Mike, and Annette are on target with their remarks. Your boyfriend's pattern of allowing his 9 yr. old to sleep in his bed is not healthy for either of them. His concern for his son and catoring to his nightime sleep needs ironically will likely keep his son "anxious" about bedtime. After all, being anxious gets him special TLC.
More importantly, the fact that he slept with you, then brought his son in afterward is an interesting metaphor to me, i.e., he doesn't respect you enough to honor your sexuality until marriage, then he moves you aside to make room for his son. Is that what you're looking for? If not, slow down and don't move forward until he moves his son out of the bed--for his son's sake--not because you are asking him to. |
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#14: by Kathy Coryell on 01.08.2008 @ 12:17pm CST
To Kate: I apologize for my delayed responses-deadlines pressing in
It's difficult sometimes after a divorce due to the feelings of guilt, fear about the other parent's parenting, etc. The tendency can be to overprotect the "child". Clearly, David at age 25, is an adult, from the outside looking in. But to Dad, he is his son. Your husband may be struggling with seeing David as an adult. I just went through this situation with my son, age 24. He moved out, then 4 months later asked to move back in. Against my "mommy-gut", I knew I had to make choices for HIS sake, so I told him I would have to talk to Don (my husband) first, then I'd let him know. We came up with a "launching plan" and a financial agreement, to help HIM grow into a mature, responsible adult. He has now moved out, in fact about 8 hours away, and is "blossoming" in his adulthood. Setting healthy boundaries with your adult children is extremely important, not only to the remarriage, but for the "children" as well. Our job as parents is to facilitate our children to become healthy, mature adults. |
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#15: by Kathy Coryell on 01.08.2008 @ 12:26pm CST
To Mike Mitchell: Great question! The same principles apply when disengaging from an ex-spouse, whether single, dating, engaged or remarried. Consider your time, your thoughts, your resources. Are you living as if you were still married to her? Or are you living as if you are single? For instance, do you make decisions based on her preferences or yours? When your relationship with your ex-spouse is a civil business relationship, with little to no emotional connection, then you have disengaged. This process is very important, ideally, before you even consider dating. We have written a chapter on Resolving the Past in our workbook, addressing this issue. I do want to make it clear that if there is any chance of reconciling the relationship (you don't say whether she is remarried or not), I would encourage that over disengagement. |
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#16: by pan/ South Carolina on 01.08.2008 @ 12:36pm CST
I was married 30+yrs, divorced 2.5yrs, dating mths. He has 2 children, son 13, daughter 11. He is my age just had them late in his life. I have 2 sons married & 4 granchildren. I love this man & would like to spend my life with him & his children. He has full custody we get along fine now but will that change if we get married? I dont expect to be first in his life. He is a good dad, takes very good care of the kids. He has put his life on hold, had given up on women. He has been hurt deeply by the kids mom. His heart had grown pretty cold. We have spent alot of time together as a family already. I feel comfortable with them & want to take of them. Should I go for it or try to stop moving forward? My heart says GO. What do you say? |
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#17: by Kathy Coryell on 01.08.2008 @ 12:40pm CST
To Kim Orlando: I echo Ron Deal's message. I want to add that, in addition to him putting his son before you, you admit to putting your children before him. So it should be while you are single. But, marriage is a commitment "forsaking all others". The marriage has to be honored first. It doesn't mean to put the children aside, they are to be prioritized also, but if you are both taking that stand now, and not willing to budge, your remarriage will start out on shaky ground, at best. Time is your best friend right now. And, as a woman, I'd like to add that Ron is absolutely right. Do you want to partner with a man for the rest of your life that is not honoring you now, before you are married? That will only intensify after you are married. My advice is to set up some strong, healthy boundaries (should you decide to stay in this relationship). If you don't do it now, you'll never be able to in the marriage, and you will not have the respect that you deserve as his wife. You are of great value to God, like a precious stone. Do not allow your value to be taken away by a man who doesn't value you as God does. |
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#18: by Kathy Coryell on 01.08.2008 @ 12:49pm CST
To Leah: This is my prayer for you:
"Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
And He brought them out of their distresses.
He caused the storm to be still,
So that the waves of the sea were hushed.
Then they were glad because they were quiet;
So He guided them to their desired haven." Psalm 107:28-20 NASB
Is your husband willing to seek Christian counsel with you? Or a class in communication? |
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#19: by Kathy Coryell on 01.08.2008 @ 01:00pm CST
To Pan: Sounds like smooth waters now, but you've only been dating for ? months. First of all, time, time, time. I cannot emphasize enough what time and patience can do. Do not allow yourself to rush into a remarriage. That could spell disaster for you all. Second of all, pray, pray, pray. Ask the Lord what His will is for you. I continued to pray right up until I walked down the aisle, that if the Lord did not want this, to stop me. I had such an inner peace, a knowing, before I really even knew Don, but still, I prayed fervently. Next, I recommend a good preremarital preparation course and preremarital counsel with a pastor who has experience with remarriages. I would say that dating for at least a year, and spending time planning your marriage, not just your wedding, is essential. What are your expectations? What are his? What are the children's? Write them out. Compare and discuss them. That's just for starters. Bless you! |
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#20: by Ron Deal on 01.08.2008 @ 01:05pm CST
To "Leah"--
As a word of encouragement, despite (the Biblical) Leah's extremely difficult marriage and family circumstances, please remember two things:
1) Jesus, the Messiah, was a decendant of Leah (not Rachel), from her son Judah. Even from difficulty God brings amazing blessing!
2) Even though Jacob never honored Leah while she lived, he insisted that he be buried next to Leah, not Rachel. Very interesting. It seems that a life of integrity is honored eventually.
Stand tall.
Ron |
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#21: by Ana on 01.13.2008 @ 01:10pm CST
I have a question to anyone who may be able to help:
I am divorced (my choice) from a domestic violence marriage of 9 years. I have a 10 year old son from that marriage. The new man that I am looking to marry is very concerned that I am not handling the ex with the proper boundaries and isn't sure that he can commit to me since that is an issue for him. I do love this man (my new one) very much and I can agree due to the situation that since my ex still pays child support, that there are a few boundary issues that my ex pushes since that is his habit and all he knows. I realize that in telling my ex that I am involved in a serious relationship with another man, that there will be a good amount of danger - but through counseling I understand what needs to be done. My main question is how do I help my new relationship understand that because of safety issues, there are certain things that cannot be handled "normally"? I would love to have anyone's personal experience on this matter or maybe a guy's point of view on what he might not understand. I know that when I tell him that because of safety issues, I am not going to do something, he ends up wondering if this will all come back to him and endanger him and his son - though my ex has always been cordial and a completely different person to everyone making it very hard to believe that I wasn't making up the abuse in the first place. Any help? Thanks. |
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#22: by Renee on 01.14.2008 @ 11:25am CST
Hello, I have been in a relationship for alittle over a yr. now, and we are both single parents. I have 2 children ages 10 and 12 and he has 1 child that just turned 8. His child is very disrespectful towards me, and she is very jealous of our relationship. We both treat the children equal, but his child seems to act as if she is equal to me. I don't know how to handle this, and it is really starting to bother me. I am the adult and she is the child. Do we as a couple need to sit down and talk to her and if so what do we say. Her mom is re-married, so this is not a shock to her, but like Kim, his daughter also still sleeps with him, and I feel, she is manipulating him with crying fits, and her being afaid to sleep alone and He has tried everything to get her to sleep in her own bed. I don't like it, but we are not married and do not live together. |
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#23: by Christine on 01.25.2008 @ 09:32pm CST
the biblical principals my husband and I put into place before marriage are that
#1 GOD
#2 spouse
#3 children
The bible teaches that we should train children up in the way that they should go.. It sounds like there are codependance issues. If you are not agreed before marriage on things like sleeping issues (basic boundaries) Its going to make marriage way harder. Premarital counseling is worth it's weight in gold. I would suggest some. It benefitted my family tremendously. |
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#24: by Btherese on 02.28.2008 @ 06:12pm CST
To Ana,
Boy, do I ever understand where you are coming from!! Everything has to be done with a thought as to how the other parent will respond, yes, in a way, but also, remember all you are required to do is honor and obey God and honor and respect your husband, if in fact you do remarry. You don't have to lie, don't have to hide, and if the ex does not like it, you can go to the law if he gets out of hand and God knows the ultimate truth.
I know what you mean about the person who looks so good to everyone else; even my church did not believe my ex was abusive, but God knew.
Just trust that the truth will be revealed and that God's good plan for you will come to pass. |
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#25: by Elizabeth on 03.10.2008 @ 01:17pm CDT
To Ana,
I KNOW what you are talking about.I was married to an abusive man for over 15 yrs.Mr. Nice Guy to the general public,but close family and friends new the truth. I hope you are taking your TIME in this new relationship and proceeding with caution.Make sure you know without a doubt that your new man is accepting of these "special circumstances". I will encourage you though, to use this opportunity to stand up tall and without fear.Your ex wants nothing more than to continue to influence and intimidate you,and another man on the scene is a very real threat to his power over you. Every time you bend your boundaries to your ex, you continue to give him POWER,every time he makes you afraid, cry,change your plans,etc...he wins. and it makes a wedge in your new relationship.Make it your goal to NO longer give him the power he seeks.If you must ever speak to him,stay calm and kind.Only discuss manditory issues,i.e.visitation,etc.Don't ever take the bait if he wants to argue to tries to intimidate you."I am not willing to be spoken to like that" and hang up. I have done this countless times. You are a dear child of God, Remember, YOU are not a victim anymore. I totally understand the fear,but that's what law enforcement is for. (and trusting in the God who knows all and has the power to protect you)your ex won't like your new-found confidence,but he better get used to it. Aim for a balance of smart common sense for safety,and walking tall and proud. You are a new woman and it's time for a new chapter.This is the time to rebuild yourself.Your child deserves a strong and confident Mom. My hope and prayer is that your new man will have a balance of loving support and also encourage you to no longer be held captive and overpowered by an abusive man. Show your son what it's like to trust God and walk with your head high.Show him how to set healthy relationship boundaries.(even w/his own father,if he sees him) I have been blessed with a new man who loves me like I never thought possible. He daily encourages me to stand my ground w/my ex,and after some rough spots, he's finally backing off.(ex)My 3 kids(two older teens,one younger)are learning by my example and respect their step -Dad for backing me up.If there are ANY doubts w/your new man, WAIT WAIT WAIT and pray. Sending you a prayer for strength and wisdom. |
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#26: by Michael on 03.14.2008 @ 10:31pm CDT
I have been married now for 8 years 10 months and 12 hours!! I have a 30 year old daughter who has 4 beautiful children,2 boys and 2 girls. They all live 1,400 miles away and I mreally miss them!! I also have a 22 year old son who goes to college in the boston area whom I also miss too! My new wife of almost 9 years has a12 year old boy and a boy that turned 20 today and I do mean a BOY. My question is; Will my wife ever give me the honor of second place in our marriage?? She puts the kids first GOD second her Mom third and last but not least little ole me!!I don't think im wrong but I think that if she put GOD in the number one spot maybe it would be easier to put her husband in his position of honor and then the children. Maybe then they would become men instead of little boys still breast feeding. I need all the GODLY wisdom and advice i can get! God Bless to you all,sincerily, Fed Up Mike In Florida. |
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#27: by Jane123 on 03.18.2008 @ 09:48pm CDT
I broke down crying and yelled because my 7 year old stepdaughter keeps saying to my children of similar age that I am mean and nasty and her mum says she can say those things about me even to my kids. I asked my husband to tell her she can't say those things even if her mum said she can. He refuses. This has been going on for three years. This upsets my kids and they say they don't say anything to her because she hits and attacks them. My husband he turned on my daughter and snarled at her that she is a liar and told her look at all this trouble you have caused by comingto me and telling me his daughter is still saying I am horrible. I have heard my step-daughter on several occasions say things about me. I have treated her like my own and my children don't understand why she says this. She then tells my husband that I just hate her and she didn't say it. My husband said to me in front of her and my own children that I am a *****"horrible swearing word" and a drama queen and to get out. This is not the first time. She has come here continuously and when she doesn't get her way she says she hates us all and wishes we were dead. He just says to me that I am an adult and she is a kid and I should just put up with it. It makes me really sad because he doesn't put up with anything from my daughter and son. They have to be good all the time. I worry about the effect this is having on them and how they see that noone respects their own mummy. |
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#28: by Marissa on 03.20.2008 @ 08:33am CDT
Help. I am a divorced mother of 1 who was abandonded during her first pregnancy by her first husband. I took my time healing, dating, and getting involved, and now I am married and pregnant with my second child. My husband does not trust me, although I've never given him reason not to. He reads my e-mails, makes untrue accusations, and hurts me time and again for no reason. I love him very much, but I don't know if it is the right thing to do to stay because I am suffering so much. I am a Christian woman, and I wish things felt cut and dried, but they don't. I don't want to hurt another child by raising her without a dad like her sister. Please advise me. |
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#29: by Jeannie on 03.29.2008 @ 08:10pm CDT
Jane- find a way to get out of there with your kids. Life is too short and there are no prizes for being treated like that.
Marissa- Better for your child to be raised without a dad than for you to stay with a pig. Christian doesn't mean victim. Be strong and live your short life to it's fullest. This means never tolerating abuse but walking away from anyone who would harm you.
God helps those who help themselves |
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#30: by Ginny on 08.04.2008 @ 04:32am CDT
On September 25 I will have been married for 6 years to an over all good man. My biggest problem is his inability to recognize and stop his ex from manipulating him and in turn whole the family. I have two children from previous relationships. My daughter is 27, out on her own, and my son 17 ,a junior in high school, is living with us. Their fathers are not in the picture do to death and incarceration. He has a daughter 16 living with us and a son who will be 18 in less than a month that continually moves from one parent to the other and throw in living at meddling grand parents to boot. I don't believe he's had the same address for one year since the age of 14. The longest stretch I'm sure of was this last school year because he was with us. Last summer he got into some legal trouble with shoplifting so his mother sent him back to us. The time with us was for the most part uneventful. Minor teenage things like smoking, dipping and low grades, but passing. He went to a maternal Uncle for the Summer to work. There was talk that he would return to the county his mother had resided in and do his senior year of school there. Before he left we said we would send my son up at the end of Summer before school started, by bus if we had to, and let them ride back together. Well the ex was heading up that way and we were getting calls from the eldest son he was ready to come back. So, I sent my son off with the ex to her brothers to return with my husbands son. That was on a Thurnsday. On Saturday we got a call from the eldest son telling us we needed to do something with my son because he, the elder, had changed his mind and wasn't coming back. To say the least I was livid. This wasn't a quick drive, it was no less than a ten hour car trip oneway. The rest of the conversation went down hill from there. We asked if he could take my son to the nearest town to the bus station but he wouldn't give us an answer, for what that would be worth now anyway. Part of the eldest excuse for not returning was that he didn't have the cash, but that wasn't a problem two days earlier. We even offered to reimburse his gas money when he brought my son back but he wasn't going to do it. During these multiple phone calls with my husband's son, he had tried to call his ex to try to get some straight answers as to what happened with the orginal plans and the son's money. We were told by the eldest son that he had to give the money he had to his mother. But guess what, she wouldn't answer my husbands phone calls. and all the while his daughter was in her bedroom giving her mother the play by play of what we were trying to do to get my son picked up. I know this because my son called me to confirm what he had been told and I had to tell him we couldn't make definitive plans till his step-father could check his schedule at work. The fastest thing I could promise him was his Aunt would pick him up Monday. Luckly my family lives the next state over and I asked if they would like to see my son. With no coaxing my sister drove over and picked up my son. Within in a weeks time my husband and I had an impromptu vacation to visit my family and pick up my son. I'm trying to make lemonade out of all these lemons but before we even got home my step-son had the audacity to call my husband and ask him to come back through his area so he could take my son to the mud bog. And in less than a week of being home the step-son calls and lets his dad know that he and his mother are now moving back into the area she just moved out of. Her new job out of state didn't work out. How is all of this still my problem? Right my child is home and I got to have a vacation. Well when is my step-son going to ask to move back in with us? I'd like to remove the revolving door from my home. I have taken all the B.S. I can for awhile. |
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