When You Share a Ghost

Question:

Hi Ron & Nan,

I read the article on "When your spouse has a ghost" i really enjoyed it, but i have a question, what if the ghost is yours and your spouse's? What if this ghost is part of your husbands past and became mine when i married him. I believe it affects me more than him. How can i get rid of this ghost? Please advise. One more thing maybe you need to know, our marriage is our first marriage. This ghost is a one time fling he had with a lady that was older than him. She harrassed us when we got married and was a bother for many years. She finally stopped, but it comes back to haunt me. The depressing part is that i know her, she is from the same town my husband is from.

Thank you so much PD

Answer: 

Relatives, in-laws, and ex's are like the weather--you can't change them.  Once you know their character and behavior, plan accordingly.  That's all you can do about her.  As for how this ghost impacts you, work on trust.  Safety for you in this relationship is a matter of trust in your husband.  Only when you trust his heart, know his character, and believe in his commitment to you will you care less about his "one time fling."  Oh, and instead of waiting for trust to magically appear, start trusting him at great depth even when unsure.  That risk will help you to start acting in trusting ways and develop the feeling of trust at the same time. 

RLD