Have you ever had one of those days? Let me tell you about a couple of days I had just last week. On Saturday evening I got into a car accident. Thank goodness no one was hurt, but because I was the last car in a several-car chain of fender benders, I got the ticket. Saturday evening, I had a blowout with my challenging child, my 11-year-old son Josh. My husband was out of town, so I was doing the single-parent thing and not doing it well! Sunday started looking better, but Josh and I got into it again Sunday night while I was cleaning out our van, trying to get all the kid junk out of it so we were ready to load it up again for school Monday morning. We reconciled, went to bed, and then came Monday. Let’s call it Black Monday.
Monday morning, I got the kids ready for school, pulled the baby out of bed, and headed out the door on time. Standing on the driveway surrounded by backpacks, my purse and laptop, the baby’s diaper bag, and lunchboxes, I opened the van doors—and the cat jumped out. Yep! While I had been cleaning out the van Sunday night (and arguing with my adolescent), the cat had apparently decided to hop in the van—then got stuck in there overnight. Consequently, guess what was all over the front passenger rug of the van? Kitty business. Not even the solid kind, either. I think our cat must have been so upset at being locked in, her intestines rebelled—all over the floor of my van. Hurriedly, I handed the baby off to my teen, grabbed cleaning supplies and wiped up the mess, threw the kids into the odiferous (a fancy word for really smelly) van and left—only five minutes late—for school.
We drive 90 minutes to attend school two days a week and homeschool the other days. The drive is a great time to connect, except when you’re running late on the Monday after Thanksgiving and there is construction and a huge traffic jam—which we sat in until the kids were 20 minutes late for school. As we sat, my 15-year-old burst into tears because she realized she had forgotten her project, the one she had worked on for weeks, the one due that morning as a big part of her end-of-the-semester grade in the only class she did not have an “A” in. This is the child who is my biggest helper, the peacemaker, and usually a delight to be around. So when we got to school, I turned around to make the 90-minute trek back home to retrieve the forgotten project—oh, and the dance class bag and my cell phone. Another 90-minute drive (that’s three—back-to-back—if you’re counting) and I was back at school with project in hand. By lunchtime Monday, my husband was back in town, and I informed him pleasantly that I wasn’t going “madly” insane, I was enjoying every minute of it!!
My point in all this? Well, sometimes—a lot of times—being in a stepfamily can feel like “one of those days” all the time. You might even feel like you’re having one of those years—or one of those lives! What I can tell you is that even in the chaos, the Lord was there. He helped my son and I have a breakthrough in our relationship and reconciliation. He was there protecting me as I drove up and down that highway three times. He was there when I cried, comforting me when I told Him what a failure I felt I was as a parent. He allowed me to be the hero in my 15-year-old’s eyes when I walked into her classroom with her project.
I don’t understand His plan in days like last weekend, but I rest in the knowledge that I don’t have to. His plan is so much bigger than I can see, and if I believe that he has plans to prosper me and not to harm me, then I can get through “one of those days.” You can, too.
Merry Christmas, Successful Stepfamilies!
Natalie Nichols Gillespie
Author, The Stepfamily Survival Guide
