by Tammy G. Bennett
President, Christian CoParenting After Divorce
Hello Friends!
I am excited to bring you some little nuggets of information to support your journey in blending your families. What a time of great delight and sometimes great exhaustion. I am incredibly honored that Ron has asked our ministry to contribute a monthly column to the Successful Stepfamily Newsletter and I appreciate your feedback along the way!
Let me give you a little background about Christian CoParenting (www.ChristianCoParenting.com).
Years ago, as I journeyed into single parenting, I had an eight year marriage behind me, a little one year old in my arms and a lifetime of parenting ahead of me. I was searching for tools and resources on how to navigate life with my daughter’s father and I was disappointed as I continually came up empty on the topic. Store clerks would look at me and say, “Christian coparenting? What do you mean?” I would reply, “Well, it’s the journey between biological parents (after divorce) that continues on for a lifetime. Is there anything on how to be great parents for children living between two homes?” After these conversations I would always think, “I can’t believe there are not at least 10 or 20 books on this topic because millions of Christians struggle with this, I’m sure, and if they could find ways to minimize the losses and focus on the stability of the children, it would make such a difference!”
Well, it’s interesting how God takes our broken pieces of life and redeems them in His perfect timing and with His healing touch.
I’ll back up thirty some years and give you a very brief peek into my childhood. My parents were high school sweethearts who married very young and found themselves divorced within a year. I spent the next 18 years living with my mother and visiting my father every other weekend and in the summers. My father lived in another city and although my parents loved me deeply and each would have given their very own life for me, there were no tools to help them deal with each other. I found myself constantly torn between them by their words, their actions, their anger, their unforgiveness towards each other, their financial struggles, their opposite attitudes on many life issues and ultimately, I spent most of my life trying to manage their emotions for them instead of being free to be a child and have fun growing up.
I believe that if someone would have sat down with them and given them some basic tools for their coparenting relationship, my heart could have avoided many painful experiences that left lasting devastation in my soul. If someone could have helped them understand how I felt living between their two homes, and ultimately as part of various blended families, the results could have been incredibly stable instead of deeply painful.
I want to first and foremost point out something to you that you might not have already realized. YOU ARE DOING AN ABSOLUTELY, EXTRA-ORDINARY, SUPER JOB at BEING a great coparent ALREADY - - - !!!!!! Why, you ask? Because you are reading, you are seeking information, you are working on your communication as a blended family, you have invested in attending Ron’s seminars and have been adding SO MUCH to your parenting tool kit that you are a thousand miles AHEAD of most parents already!!
I am personally giving you a STANDING OVATION! Your children, whether biological or step, are already on a solid path because of your willingness to learn new and specific ways to make stepfamilies work. THANK YOU! On behalf of a little girl who did not have that, THANK YOU! The hard work you are doing every day is going to reap generations and generations of a beautiful harvest! The little things do matter. The little things make a lifetime of difference for the children!
I look forward to journeying alongside of your families and I appreciate your willingness to learn. Our ministry incorporates resources from various Christian counselors, great books, creative mediums like drama, music and art as well as quoted reference materials and live seminar events.
Our next live event is on October 28, 2006 in Nashville, TN. Our seminars are free and we invite single parents, blended family parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends to join us - - anyone who loves and cares for children that are living between two homes are invited to come!
With great anticipation I will ‘see’ you next month – enjoy the month of October!!
Humbly Yours,
Tammy G. Bennett
President, Christian CoParenting
Next Month’s Topic: Christmas Complications & How to Plan Ahead!
