October E-Newsletter Profile: Brian and Michelle Langlois, St. Petersburg, Florida
Brian and Michelle Langlois met nine years ago when they both started working at the same company on the same day. Less than a year after they started dating, they married on the beach in Florida. Michelle had a son from her previous marriage; Brian had never been married before. Today, two daughters have joined their successful stepfamily; but “successful” is not the way they would have described their marriage just a few years ago.
“We went into marriage totally clueless about the needs of stepfamilies,” Michelle says. “We had no preparation. In fact, we got married in front of a notary on the beach and got into a big argument right in front of the notary.”
They finished the ceremony, but spent the next few years living in pain, Michelle shares. As a Christian, she felt like she had failed in her first marriage and needed to make this second marriage appear “normal” and “nuclear” to the world.
“When I used to meet people, I would just introduce Brian as my husband and my son as ‘our son,’” she shares. “Then came the inevitable question: ‘How long have you guys been married?’ and that blew my cover right there.”
When Brian became a Christian, the pastor of the church called him up and introduced him to the congregation, telling everyone that he had just married one of the single women in the church (Michelle).
“I was so embarrassed; I just wanted to crawl under the pew” Michelle says. “Here was the pastor telling showing everyone my failures was how I felt.”
Michelle says it wasn’t until she heard a tape of Ron Deal that someone had brought back from a conference that she realized that stepfamilies were not second-class citizens. “It was the first time I had ever heard anyone say that stepfamily life was hard, that stepfamilies were different than original families, that stepfamilies should not be treated like a first marriage,” Michelle says. “It was such a relief to know that this was normal.”
From there, Michelle started searching for more stepfamily resources, and started learning to let go of her misguided expectations. That’s when the marriage turned around and became a stepfamily she feels can provide security for their children. The couple has even helped start a stepfamily class at their church and recently helped organize a National Stepfamily Day at a local park, which drew hundreds of visitors.
“The thing I would say to singles considering remarriage is that if there are issues with your dating relationship or hurts you still need to address and you think, ‘Well, I’ll just deal with this later,’ like I did,” do not jump into marriage,” she says. “Had I waited or chosen not to marry, we could have saved ourselves years and years of pain to get to the point where we have the marriage we have today.
“What I would say to those already remarried and struggling or in pain is that you can do it; it’s normal, and it takes time. Learn about stepfamilies and get involved with other stepfamilies. I think the one of the biggest help to stepfamilies in pain is to know that they are not alone.”
Michelle says letting go of your “picture” of how a family should be is the critical point for stepfamilies in order to go forward and build their own, unique family unit. “Letting go was the turning point,” Michelle says. “That made all the difference in the world.”
Brian encourages all stepparents to “hang in there,” as he and his stepson have started to bond “after all these years,” he says.
“We know it will never be the same as a father-son relationship, and that’s okay,” Michelle says. “It’s nice to know, though, that we are a family just the same.”
