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Shared Stories -- Promised Land Stepfamilies |
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Below are stories shared by readers of The Smart Stepfamily. They represent stepfamilies who are imperfect, but striving for the Promised Land (both the spiritual and the relational Promised Land). We appreciate their encouragement and willingness to share their story.
To share your story, click here. |
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"...Blending a family is not easy but can be done successfully when you place God first..." |
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| ...Don't give up hope, keep the faith and trust God. We did. |
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| [As a stepparent:] Every seed you plant, will grow in due time. Keep loving them, no matter what, even if it is not reciprocated. Your efforts will not be "fruitless". |
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| It is a day to day process that only by putting your faith and trust in God will make things better. Having a stepfamily is very rewarding and it is worth working on! |
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| I won't ever forget our wedding day! It was just us but "us" included eight children, my husband and I! |
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| I realized that at seventeen, my new daughter was going to be less than thrilled about a new stepmother. She had already seen one harvest of a new marriage that failed in its early season...I was batter three with the bases loaded full of difficult experences. |
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| I am the baby of the family with a sister and two brothers and they are more then five years older then me. I graduated from College and moved to Flint, Michigan to start my first job. At 24 years old I was ready to make money and take on the world. I was young, single, on my own and liked looking at women. |
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| I am 42 years old and the mother of three and am to be married on July 21, 2003. |
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| I have just read the book The Smart Stepfamily and I wish so much that I had found this book at the beginning of our relationship. It would have saved a lot of heartache. |
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| My story does not have a happy ending yet, but I believe that it will... |
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| Blended families are like a rainbow, and a rainbow is a reminder of God's promise to us. Look for the rainbow at the end of a very hard rain fall, and receive the promise of God. |
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| I WANT OTHER PEOPLE TO SEE MY MISTAKES AND SAY "DON'T GO THERE." MY LIFE HAS NOT BEEN EASY AND STILL NOT EASY. |
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| We thought we could make things better by conforming to the world and being like our neighbors but we have found that not to be true. |
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| ....but low and behold almost two years later our children are emotionally happy again, healthier about handling their past pains and they even claim us as their "parent or stepmom" in public (a feat for any 14 and 18 year old) and the two younger ones no longer distinguish, we're all four "my parents." |
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| ...My husband is going to leave me if we can't put the family back together. |
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| I never, ever thought after being a single mother for more that 10 years that I would end up with a new husband and four additional beautiful children. |
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| I have started counseling and I am working to improve myself. I do not know what to do. Our communication is non-cooperative. We seem to be always on guard and ready to strike back with anger or hurtful words. |
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| I told him whenever you marry ANYBODY, you AUTOMATICALLY GAIN IN-LAWS, I mean you can't beat that, everyone has a mother/father/sister/brother,etc. However, when you've made a decision to marry someone who 1) has a child from a previous marriage and 2) has a renstful, bitter ex, that's AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT BALLGAME. |
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| My husband and I married after only knowing each other for 6 months. While I would not suggest this for everyone it is still working for us 14 years later. We both could never have been happier and more fulfilled. |
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| I will be married three years on June 1st. As I type this my fingers are shaking so much I can hardly find the keys. |
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| I love my stepfamily. Through God, you can really reach a point where you love until it hurts--there is no more hurt, only more love. |
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| ...These issues are not a daily or even monthly problem for us, but when they surface they leave a trail of hurt and pain beyond belief. |
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| My current problem is with a stepdaughter-in-law who is 48 years old. For 29 years years, she has referred to both of us in the 3rd person when we are right there and to this day does not know how to introduce me or even us together. |
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| The process has been traumatic so far. As nice and excited as I am to include his 14 year-old daughter and lavish her with love, attention, and material fun, the "blending process" is painful. The volitile language she yells at her father is really hard to hear... |
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| I'm concerned about how things will be when my fiance' and I are married and start having more children. It seems there will be a double standard when it comes to child rearing ideals. |
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| ...Pray, read and pray some more before blending two families. It can be done but should be done slowly and with wisdom. |
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| I learnt just how selfish I really was (which came as a shock as I didn't think I was). I learnt how to let Peter love me, because in the first year I let a lot of old hurts control me and I could not accept in my heart that he loved me. Our lives are not perfect, certainly not the "white picket fence" dreams I had when I was younger, but we have made the best of our situation... |
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| I want to avoid a divorce at all costs for my son's sake. He deserves better, but he also needs a role model that teaches him to respect his spouse. Am I just full of my own ego and lack of forgiveness, or am I justified in feeling I have been wronged and need an apology? |
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| This is my first (and last) marrige and I had no idea what I was headed for. Emotionally, so many things went through me-- jealousy (of the ex), resentment that I didn't have him or this experience first (since I had been told I was 2nd and will never be 1st), doubt that he was over her, frustration that my life had to conform to "their" legal decisions (not being able to move out of state), etc... |
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| from Ron's reply: If he is cold, hard, and passive-aggressive now, it won't improve when you marry. He may be a potentially good husband, but if he cannot also be a good stepfather, you will have many regrets in the future. Proceed with caution. |
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| But through the Grace of God, we stayed and now we are planning that daughters wedding and the ex-wife is invited as well as the (half) siblings. |
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| I raised him to be a smart, honest kid and to know right from wrong. He has lied so much in the last few years I just can take it anymore. WHAT SHOULD I DO? WHERE DO I TURN? |
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