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Holding Kids Hostage |
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Question:
I am married recently, I have a 5 year old son. He is now in school, I have chosen to put him in a Christian school. Neither my husband nor myself were ever married... however I had my son out of wed lock. My son's father has been a part of his life all along. My qustions is ... My son has a program at school his first one. My husband does not want me to tell his father of the program as he was asked to help pay for the schooling and he choose not to.
He has continued to take us to court on issues that can be verbally resolved however with his wife... they want everything on paper. He has a son from a relationship before ours, my son, a step child from his now wife and a baby whom was born 9 months after they met.
I feel in my heart no matter what goes on between him (my sons father) and I, it is still my responsibility to inform him even if he don't help pay for the schooling. The issue I think is that my son is happy, and I know it would make him happy if his father saw his shows, just as my son loves to go to his fathers shows. My husband on the other hand told me it would make him uncomfortable, and since he doesn’t want to help in the finances and the day to day things why should he get the privilege of attending? Am I doing the right thing? I am thinking; it's not about him feeling comfortable it's about my son. Help... please if you can just give me some advice on how to handle this.
Answer:
Without question you should invite your son's father to the program. Money has nothing to do with it. In fact, without realizing it, your husband is essentially asking you to emotionally kidnap your son and hold him hostage for ransom (that is, for school tuition). No matter how "evil" your son's father is, don't stoop to playing the same game.
You and your current husband need to keep some perspective on this issue. He would make it about you, your son's father, and money. It's not. It is about your son—and he needs his father present at the program, supporting him. Your husband will simply have to find a way to be "adult" about it, putting differences aside on behalf of your son. That's the best gift he can give you and your son.
Blessings, RLD
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