My Husband Won't Talk to My Daughter

I need an answer to my dilemma.

My 2^nd husband and I have been married for almost 3 years. He has two children, an 8 year old boy and a 15 year old girl. I have a 5 year old girl. I am attentive to his children – I take them places, talk to them, take interest in what they’re doing, etc. My husband, on the other hand, never acknowledges my daughter. If she says something to him to show him something, he only replies “uh, huh” and goes on his way. Very rarely will he say more than three or four words to answer her. She almost never approaches him because she doesn’t feel comfortable doing so. When she goes to her dad’s house (who she has a great relationship with) she tells him that he never plays with her or talks to her. So I know that it hurts her very much. When I ask him about why he does this, he says he doesn’t have anything in common with her, he’s not her dad – she already has a father, he has enough to do with his own kids and because he feels like he can’t make any decisions regarding her because me and her father make those decisions.

We are at a point where I just want to leave. There are other issues between he and I – lack of communication, well, lack of everything right now. We have been going to counseling for the past four months with a Christian counselor. Things did get better between us for a time, but during that time, he never made any attempt to create any kind of relationship with my daughter – once we all went out to eat together as a family – but he never looked at her or anything – I was asking his kids how their day was, etc. He thinks all the problems stem from he and I and I agree, however, my biggest need is that I need him to try to create a relationship with my daughter. How can I continue to try with him if he will not make an attempt to bond with her? I told him that if he would try to do that, that I would be all over him like peanut butter on toast – problems solved. He doesn’t seem to acknowledge how much pain it causes me that he won’t have anything to do with my daughter.  

I’ve prayed and prayed. I’ve broken our relationship down on a piece of paper in categories – reasons to stay and reasons to leave, differences between us, the kids, what would it benefit if I stayed, what would it benefit if I left, etc.) and honestly the bad outweighed the good. Then I felt that God was speaking to me the next day and indirectly told me that we don’t live in a picture perfect world – there will be pain, etc. I am so confused and lost about what to do here. Do I continue in this marriage where my daughter is not getting the attention she needs and longs for from her stepfather or do I leave and focus 100% on her and try to find a more healthy relationship with someone who will give her the attention she deserves?

I’d appreciate any advice you could give me.

God bless!

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