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I Don't Like My Stepson. |
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Question:
I have a situation. Maybe you can address it online so others can benefit too. I am feeling like the horrible, evil step-mother. I flat do not like one of my stepsons and I don't want to like him. I just wish I could find some way to avoid him most of the time. The 15 yr. old is O.K. -- some teen behavior but manageable. The 13-year old is jealous. Okay, I understand that but I am beyond caring right now.
I was a quiet child and trained to be gracious--polite and no trouble to anyone. Just take the opposite of that and you get him. Add to that he reminds me of my verbally abusive ex-husband.
I feel so guilty because my husband accepts my kids. Help!!!! I am a believer and feel I should be able to overcome this. I'm the kind of person who gets along with EVERYONE, but not this time.
Answer:
I appreciate your honesty in addressing this situation. The truth is, sometime people don't like their stepchildren. You are not the first. Yet, God does call us to "live at peace with everyone" and not "return evil for evil, but repay with good" (Romans 12:9-21). [Don't you hate it when someone throws scripture at you! :) ]
I know this may sound weird, but start working on your relationship with your stepson by forgiving (or forgiving again) your ex-husband. You told me more than you realize when you said, "Add to that he reminds me of my verbally abusive ex-husband." You might be emotionally set-up to not like your stepson because of old bruises that are still sensitive. Heal the bruises with forgiveness, then, actively distinguish between what is present (stepson's behavior), and what is past (ex-husband).
The other thing you must do, is to pray daily for your stepson. Not just pray about him. You must pray for him. He is not your enemy and your prayers must reflect your growing appreciation for him. Ask God to soften your heart.
By the way, I'm going to make a prediction: when your heart softens toward your stepson, his negative and annoying behavior will decrease (not "stop"). Most of us are totally unaware how our judgment toward others incites their negativity toward us.
Blessings,
RLD |
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