Maximize Your Fun-Factor

By Ron L. Deal

President, Successful Stepfamilies

Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

          What predicts a healthy stepcouple relationship?  Ongoing research by Successful Stepfamilies and Life Innovations, Inc has revealed that dating couples with children who have a high degree of satisfaction with the leisure activities and hobbies they share together tend to have happy, satisfying stepcouple marriages later on.  This most recent finding surprised us; we just didn’t predict how important having fun together would be for couples in stepfamilies. 

          This finding reminds all of us that having fun together is an important part of a growing marriage relationship.  Here are some tips to help you maximize your fun-factor:

1. Find regular time to play together as a couple.  Before marriage couples tend to be very intentional about their fun time together; after the wedding, couples tend to “play” with the children.  Our research suggests that while having fun with the kids is important, making sure the couple continues to be intentional with their one-on-one fun time, is a necessity. 
2. Capitalize on what you have in common.  Everyone needs to “veg-out” and relax from time to time in order to reduce stress.  There is an added bonus when couples share a common taste for a given activity and engage in it together.  Andy and Sara both enjoy hiking and mountain climbing.  Getting out together for an afternoon or taking an extended weekend a couple times each year gives them time to break out of their usual routines and builds romantic memories.  “Even planning for a long weekend hike,” says Sara, becomes part of our “coming together time.” 
3. Balance your individual interests with couple and family time.  Leisure time doesn’t always have to be spent with ones spouse.  “A little alone time really helps to energize me so I’m a better dad and husband when I come home,” says Fernando.  But be careful that your alone time doesn’t come at the expense of your spouse.  If they frequently are left feeling abandoned because you are pursuing individual recreation, the marriage is likely suffering from malnutrition.