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January 2010   In this issue:  New study groups form around the country  New Feature Articles   Your Feedback including "Why don't you do a seminar in my area?"  Life Tips  New Groundbreaking Research & Resource Released This Month  |  View our Surprising Findings Upcoming speaking events: Little Rock, Houston, Nashville, & Albuquerque (Do not reply to this email. To unsubscribe, see the unsubscribe link at the bottom of the email. If you have difficulty reading this or if the links don't work in your email viewer copy & paste this link into your web browser and view the newsletter online: http://www.successfulstepfamilies.com/view/20)
New Beginnings Here’s a culture trend headline for you: Remarriage has life impact for nearly 71 million adult Americans (35 million are currently remarried and 36 million could potentially remarry) -- and that doesn't include their children! Talk about new beginnings! Welcome to the January edition of Stepfamily E-Magazine. If this is your first issue I want you to know our purpose is simply this: to equip and empower your family for healthy stepfamily living as you walk humbly with the Lord. For over 14 years now we’ve been trying to touch lives and impact generations with Biblically-based, research-informed stepfamily ministry. And Lord willing, we will continue this work throughout 2010.   In addition to the start of a new year, we have a few other new beginnings to share with you this January. First, you’ll notice a new look to our E-Magazine. We hope you find it easier than ever to read and find helpful tips, tools, and resources for your home or ministry. Second, I’m pleased to announce the addition of editorial assistant Judy Bowyer to our team. She will be heading our renewed effort to bring you quality writers and articles each month.   And finally, this month I’m pleased to see a six year collaborative research project with Dr. David Olson (of the world-renowned PREPARE/ENRICH program) finally become available. This month David and I (together with Bethany House Publishers) release our hard cover book The Remarriage Checkup containing results from our study of remarriage strengths. The largest study ever conducted, the book will help you discover the secrets to a happy remarriage based on an unprecedented national survey of over 50,000 couples. Plus, the self-guided book comes with a voucher for the online Couple Checkup survey.  Get a 20-page report with personalized results and learn what qualities you need to improve based on our research. Already catching the eye of marriage ministries and secular researchers, we anticipate that this book will be a central resource offered through our ministry for years to come. Learn more about it below—and be sure to complete this month’s Couple Check-in exercise based on our research (a 2010 E-Magazine feature).   As for your new beginnings, many of you are planning to attend a small group study in your community. We are hearing from many churches who are launching small group/Bible class studies this month using The Smart Stepfamily DVD. Check with your congregation to see if there is a program near you and if not, ask them to consider beginning one.   As this new year begins, I pray that we will experience anew God’s marvelous grace for His children. Looking back, 2009 brought a few blessings to my life and one life-changing loss—the death of my son, Connor (learn more here). Looking forward, none of us knows what 2010 will hold. But we know the One who holds it for eternity. Let us enter a newly beginning 2010 trusting in Him.   In His Grace,   Ron L. Deal, Founder & President   PS. Please forward this E-Magazine to a friend or ministry leader!   Home | Articles | Conferences | Donate | Shop | Personal Help
Keep Receiving E-Magazine   When your email changes, enter your new address here so you can continue to receive E-Magazine.  Be sure to authorize your email program (e.g., Earthlink) to allow emails from admin@successfulstepfamilies.com or you will be blocked from receiving the E-Magazine!                                                   2010 Conference Locations   Jan 29-30  Little Rock, AR Feb 5-6  Houston, TX (Couple Checkup Conf) March 5-6  Nashville, TN April 10  Albuquerque, NM April 30-May 1  Minneapolis (Couple Checkup Conf) May 14-15  Oklahoma City   Get conference details.   Your church can host this event.   Therapist training—details here.                                               Stepmom Workshops with Laura Petherbridge Visit www.LauraPetherbridge.com                                                   Contact Us   Share your comments or feedback by emailing judy@rondeal.org. Do not reply to this email.               International Ordering Information   The Smart Stepfamily, The Smart Stepmom, The Remarriage Checkup, and The Smart Stepfamily DVD (beginning spring 2010) are available through the international distributors of Baker Publishing Group. Click here for a PDF list of countries and distributors. Our other resources are available only through us. You must email or phone us directly to place an order (international shipping rates apply).   International orders email: nan.deal@successfulstepfamilies.com   Phone: 806-356-7701         Couple Checkup & Check-in Exercise: A 2010 monthly feature Healthy couples intentionally check-in with one another on a regular basis about aspects of their relationship. Review this finding from Dr. David Olson and Ron Deal’s national survey of healthy remarriages and discuss the questions that follow. Be open to learning about yourself and your relationship.   Research Finding: The number one relationship problem for remarried couples is dealing with complex stepfamily issues. Making the differences between marriage and remarriage undeniable, new research released in The Remarriage Checkup reports that an astonishing 7 of the top 12 stumbling blocks for remarried couples are related to a past relationship breakup (e.g., divorce) or to the complications of being a stepfamily.   3 Question Check-in: 1.    Realizing that having a child(ren) from a previous relationship puts added stress on our marriage, what are we actively doing to protect our marriage and nurture solidarity? 2.    On a scale of 1 to 10, how confident are we that this marriage will last a lifetime? On the same scale, how fearful are we of another breakup? 3.  What issues or hurts from previous relationships (e.g., divorce or financial debts) create a wedge in our marriage? What are we doing to work through these matters?     Adapted from The Remarriage Checkup: Tools to Make Your Marriage Last a Lifetime by Ron L. Deal & David H. Olson, Bethany House Pub., 2010.         Featured Articles   ·        Normal by Terri Smith    Misunderstandings occur frequently between adult stepparents and stepchildren when they assume that the other doesn’t care about their feelings, or when they misjudge the intentions of a child or stepchild.     ·        Finding Healing for Stepparents and Stepchildren by Ron L. Deal   From our Smart Questions, Smart Answers section: After 17 years my husband and stepdaughter won't speak. What can I do to help them? How do they heal?     ·        Finding Time to Dance & Dine (Part 3) by Ron L. Deal & Laura Petherbridge   Part 3 of a deleted chapter from The Smart Stepmom on keeping romance alive. Begin the series here…     ·        God, Can I Resign From Being A Stepparent?  By Cynthia Kelly, from Delaware   Cynthia shared her story in our online Promised Land Stepfamilies section. Her story is one that many stepparents can relate to. (Read more encouraging stories here)     From the Archives: Find hundreds of articles for dating couples, stepfamily couples, and church leaders here   o   Healthy Sexpectations by Ron & Nan Deal   o   Is Remarriage “Covenant” Marriage? – from our Smart Questions, Smart Answers section         Your Feedback   ·        Why don’t you do a seminar in my area? This is a question we receive on a regular basis. The answer is straightforward: because we weren’t invited. Successful Stepfamilies relies on a local church or organization to sponsor, host, and finance a stepfamily conference. We simply can’t afford to put them on without local support because the event will not pay for itself. We realize that certain parts of the country seem to have conferences on a regular basis (e.g., Houston is our most frequented city) and other regions rarely do (e.g., the northeast region of the US). We just go where the Lord seems to be working. o   Church leaders can learn how to host a conference here…     ·       Reader Reviews of The Smart Stepmom by Ron L. Deal & Laura Petherbridge:   “I did finish the book and was so encouraged by the godly advice throughout… Thank you, Ron and Laura, for a wonderful book.”  -- Ella   "It is hard to imagine a more extensive resource material on this challenging topic of entering into and living out the role of stepmom. Excellent from start to finish, stepmoms (and those who love them) will be comforted, encouraged and energized to stay at the task of rearing, loving and accepting their stepchildren."   --Michele Howe, FaithfulReader.com Read the full review here     ·       Building A Successful Stepfamily conference feedback: “Thank you so much for the conference… This was our second time; we get more out of them each time. We brought a stepfamily couple in crisis with us. I just got off the phone with the husband and he felt so encouraged and hopeful—hope he didn’t have before the conference. Thank you.”  -- Tom G.         Featured Resource: Just Released!   The Remarriage Checkup: Tools to Make Your Marriage Last a Lifetime by Ron L. Deal & David H. Olson (hardcover) The book includes a FREE online inventory (Couple Checkup) valued at $15. A total savings of $18.45. Each copy autographed by Ron Deal. Watch an online video to learn about this groundbreaking book. Read the Preface or view a Press Release and our Surprising Research Findings.     “This book is a wonderful resource for remarriage couples.” --Gary Smalley Bestselling author The DNA of Relationships   Hardcover, 256 pages, from Bethany House Publishers. Releases Jan 1, 2010.   Browse or Buy It   Read the Foreword   Shop all resources here         Life Tips   ·        Displays of Affection: Even biological children sometimes get “grossed out” when parents hug or kiss. Stepchildren may experience additional negative feelings when they witness affection between their parent and stepparent. Be sensitive to their feelings. Early on reserve affections for private. In marriage, increased doses of affection are appropriate. In between those time frames, use common and sense and wisdom in measuring how much affection you display.   ·        Cohabitation: At the root of many cohabiting relationships is fear. Couples choose the “half-way house” of cohabitation in order to have the benefits of living together without the emotional and financial risks of marriage. The irony, of course, is that cohabitation itself has been shown to bring about the very things that couples fear: relationship distress and break up. Seek God’s best for your relationship by not cohabiting. Read more on this topic here…    ·        Smart Stepmoms: Accept that affections toward your stepchildren will differ from those for your biological children.   From The Smart Stepmom, Ron L. Deal & Laura Petherbridge—   “For years I (Laura) felt guilty that I don’t love his kids in the exact same way I do my nieces and nephew, who are like my own children. It wasn’t until I read information that explained this was normal that I began to understand and accept the emotions. I love my stepfamily, which now includes daughters-in-law and grandchildren. I just love them differently than I do my own biological family.   One stepmom called this the absence of “mom-like” feelings for the children. Some guilt for feeling this way is understandable; you have high expectations for yourself and want your husband to be pleased with how you love his children. However, don’t be excessive in your guilt; it only makes you anxious and needy. Love chosen is still love.”   ·     Download: Becoming a Stepmom podcast from Becoming a Stepmom.com
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