Debbie, from Georgia (submitted Aug, 2004)

Name: Debbie 
Home state or country: Georgia

This is the first time I have ever shared any of this online, but we have hit rock bottom and I liked your website.  Both raised in Christian homes, we were married 13 yrs. ago, both having been married before.  His wife deserted his two-year-old daughter and him. Then his ex-wife died when my stepdaughter was six.  We were already married and had had our son. My first husband was an alchoholic and I had no children.  My husband has never disciplined his daughter and she has wreaked havoc all this time escalating to the point that she is moving into her own apartment at barely 17, senior in HS and very irresponsible. He is footing the bills.  She has mastered manipulation and he falls for her lies, blaming my anger on her behavior, saying I provoke her violence and threats toward me.  He even told her to call the police in front of me if I made her feel threatened.  We have a son together who is eleven, and I am frustrated with him alot lately too, because he seems to think if I just leave stepdaughter alone all will be fine. I am also crazy with worry about the way this is effecting him.  She is openly rude, hostile and uncooperative toward me constantly.  Admittedly smokes dope and drinks frequently too. I am so tired of being blamed for her lack of respect and cannot make my husband understand how his lack of support hurts me.  When she isn't around or the topic of conversation, we do very well, but since it's been decided she is moving out she is really yanking my chain over the smallest things.  I doubt my love for my husband when I am submitted to her abuse without consequences from him over and over. I lose respect for him more and more and wonder if forgiveness is possible without an apology from him, because I doubt one will ever be offerred sincerely.  I want to avoid a divorce at all costs for my son's sake.  He deserves better, but he also needs a role model that teaches him to respect his spouse.  Am I just full of my own ego and lack of forgiveness, or am I justified in feeling I have been wronged and need an apology?  I have read so much to him about discipline, consequences and respect, but he refuses to do any of this with his daughter, telling me I am the root of the problem because I get so angry. We have started counseling. The counselor is a man and I don't see how he can relate to how I feel.  Please pray that I can get years of anger under control and appeal to my husband with love.