Charlene, from Maryland (submitted June 2004)

Name: Charlene
Home state or country: Maryland

I have been part of a stepfamily for over ten years now.  It has not been easy, but it is great because I have a toddler and my stepsister has an infant.  We are living in the same home.

It is true--there are two ways to act in life--as though nothing were a miracle, and as though everything were a miracle.  I started taking care of my ex-mother-in-law, who has cancer, and it has been tough on my new stepfamily, because she wants her son to marry me.

However, I had to have a child for me to see that the child's father is just too old to be my "one true love."  He is partly there to replace my father, who passed on when I was seven.  And he has a twelve-year-old daughter who he isn't allowed to see, even though he has fought through court to see her.

Things are going well.  I love seeing my gentleman friend Tom's daughter, Adrienne.  Yet I don't want her to say mean things to me.  I know it is natural for her to want to hurt me.  I just wonder, if her mother cares about her; why can't she stay with the father.  It is eery that I look so much like his ex-wife.  That's OK--you can usually change your hairstyle and hair color. 

I still want a daughter of my own, but having a son is great.  He loves his mommy, and he loves dad, and Tom.  I couldn't ask for more from him.  I love my stepfamily.  Through God, you can really reach a point where you love until it hurts--there is no more hurt, only more love.  I pray that Adrienne will not be jealous of me in the future.  Someone has to love her Dad, and it wasn't my choice that her mother left.  So, this is good for him, and she will need to make her own choices later. 

Having the daughter over, I could have given her a tour of the house.  I like looking in her eyes and playing with her long blond hair.  She kind of looks like me.  I don't think I will have a daughter--you don't know that, at age 25, but at least I know "what it's like" to have one.

I love this.  The right thing usually takes work!