Anne, from Wisconsin (submitted May, 2004)

Name: Anne
Home state or country: Wisconsin

I will be married three years on June 1st.  As I type this my fingers are shaking so much I can hardly find the keys.  I knew my husband for 3 years at work before we started our relationship.  He pursued me although he was unhappily married at the time.  I told him to get his affairs (for lack of a better word) in order first.  I would not be the cause of breaking up a marriage.  We both came from horrible first marriages.  He and his first wife almost divorced 3 times before but to hear her tell it, it was out of the blue.  My marriage consisted of physical and verbal abuse.  I was going to be very careful next time (if there was going to be a next time).  I waited 8 years before I got married.  We both were so sure we had found our soul mates.  I knew there would be problems with his children since they were a teenager and an adult.  Fifteen and 21 at the time, now 20 and 26.  From the get go they didn't like me.  Never gave me a chance.  I did nothing but try to make them feel comfortable. 

I have now decided 4 years later that I'm fighting a losing battle.  I have 3 children ages 16, 15 and 11 who have done quite well with the marriage.  They've accepted him and call him dad.  They do not see their biological father.  It is not getting better with his children.  I think the thing that hurts the most is when they talk me down and he doesn't defend me.  I really don't see this working out.  I've prayed and don't know what to do next.  It's obvious where all his loyalties lie.