Lisa, from Kentucky (submitted Dec, 2003)

Name: LISA
Home state or country: KENTUCKY

MY HUSBAND AND I MET THROUGH OUR WORK. WE WERE BOTH MARRIED
BUT WE WERE NOT HAPPY. IS THIS NOT THE WAY ALL AFFAIRS START? LET ME SAY WE WERE NOT GOING TO CHURCH OR CHRISTIANS.

WE FINALLY LEFTED OUR PARTNERS AND STARTED LIVING TOGETHER. I HAD A MARRIED SON, HE HAD A MARRIED SON AND A 10 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER. WE FINALLY MARRIED AFTER LIVING TOGETHER FOR A YEAR.

I WANTED TO GET MARRIED BECAUSE MY SON WAS A CHRISTIAN AND HE SAID I WAS LIVING IN SIN. IT MADE ME FEEL CHEAP. TWO MONTHS AFTER WE WERE MARRIED MY HUSBAND WENT BACK HOME TO THIS EX AND HIS LITTLE 10 YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER, BUT BEFORE THAT WE HAD BEGUN GOING TO CHURCH. I CAN SAY THIS WAS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME BECAUSE OF MY CHURCH AND THE PEOPLE HELPING ME. I DONT KNOW WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE DURNING THIS SEPERATION. THE PREACHER AND HIS WIFE WAS THERE FOR ME AND THEY PRAYED WITH ME. I PRAYED NOT FOR MY HUSBAND TO RETURN BUT FOR GOD’S WILL—WHATEVER WOULD BE BEST FOR ME. AFTER FILING FOR DIVORCE AND LEAVING TOWN MY HUSBAND WAS BEGGING ME TO COME BACK. HE SAID HIS DAUGHTER COULD NOT EXCEPT OUR MARRIAGE AND WAS BEGGING HIM TO COME HOME.

HE WAS TORN BETWEEN HER AND ME. HE LOVED ME, NOT HIS EX, BUT HE LOVED HIS DAUGHTER ALSO. SHE WAS JUST A CHILD AND NEEDED HIM.
WE FINALLY WORKED OUR SEPERATION OUT BUT WE STILL HAVE LOTS OF PROBLEMS. WE ARE GOING TO CHURCH AND WE HAVE ASKED GOD FOR FORGIVENESS AND WAS BAPTIZED DEC. 6. I PRAY EVERY DAY THAT HIS LITTLE GIRL CAN FORGIVE ME FOR WHAT I HAVE DONE TO HER. WE HAVE HIS DAUGHTER EVERY OTHER WEEKEND AND I PRAY TO GOD FOR ME TO HAVE PATIENCE AND UNDERSTANDING. I HAVE GROWN TO LOVE HIS DAUGHTER. SHE IS NOW 13 AND THINGS ARE A LOT BETTER BETWEEN US BUT NOT PERFECT.  I PRAY WITH HER EACH NIGHT SHE IS WITH US. LAST NIGHT SHE ASKED ME NOT TO FORGET TO PRAY FOR HER MOTHER. I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT HER MOTHER HAS TRIED TO TURN HER AGAINST ME. WHAT CAN I SAY? LOOK WHAT I DID TO HER. I JUST PRAY THAT I WILL BE FORGIVIN SOMEDAY AND TRY HARDER TO BE A GOOD CHRISTAIN AND TRY TO SHOW PEOPLE I HAVE CHANGED AND HELP PEOPLE TO DO RIGHT.

I WILL NEVER GIVE UP ON GOD HE HAS BLESSED ME OVER AND OVER SINCE I GAVE MY LIFE TO HIM. I LOVE GOD AND I HOPE I CAN SHOW JUST HOW MUCH. I WANT GOD\'S APPROVAL 0N MY LIFE. I KNOW IF I PRAY AND TRY HARD ENOUGH THINGS WILL BE ALL RIGHT, BECAUSE GOD KNOWS BEST BETWEEN RIGHT AND WRONG. I CHANGED MY NAME BECAUSE I AM NOT PROUD OF WHAT I HAVE DONE. JUST PRAY FOR ME. THE ONLY THING I WANT IN LIFE IS TO BE CLOSER TO GOD AND SPREAD HIS WORD. I WANT OTHER PEOPLE TO SEE MY MISTAKES AND SAY "DON'T GO THERE." MY LIFE HAS NOT BEEN EASY AND STILL NOT EASY.